"Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover."

"You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head."

"It takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen."

"What if we chose the wrong religion? Each week we just make God madder and madder."

"If money is the root of all evil, then why do we have to have jobs?"

"I'll keep it short and sweet -- Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business."

"He who fights too long against dragons becomes a dragon himself; and if you gaze too long into the abyss, the abyss will gaze into you."

"Red meat is NOT bad for you. Now blue-green meat, THAT'S bad for you!"

"Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song, A medley of extemporanea; And love is thing that can never go wrong; And I am Marie of Romania."

"We are students of words: we are shut up in schools, and colleges, and recitation-rooms, for ten or fifteen years, and come out at last with a bag of wind, a memory of words, and do not know a thing."

"One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity, there ain't nothin' can beat teamwork."

"Falsehood has an infinity of combinations, but truth has only one mode of being."