"Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish."

"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happen if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?"

"My girlfriend sleeps in a queen-sized bed and I sleep in a court jester-sized bed."

"Cross-country skiing is great if you live in a small country."

"You know how it is when you go to be the subject of a psychology experiment, and nobody else shows up, and you think maybe that's part of the experiment? I'm like that all the time."

"What's another word for Thesaurus?"

"Of course the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you--if you don't play, you can't win."

"A great philosophy is not one that passes final judgments and establishes ultimate truth. It is one that causes uneasiness and starts commotion."

"No man can sit down and withhold his hands from the warfare against wrong and get peace from his acquiescence."

"Hope is the companion of power, and mother of success; for who so hopes strongly has within him the gift of miracles."

"In archaeology you uncover the unknown. In diplomacy you cover the known."

"Knowledge is power. (Ipsa Scientia Potestas Est)"